The Writers' Torment: The Ache of Wanting to Disappear While Being Seen

I wonder if other creatives are tormented by this aching of wanting to disappear, or at least to stay anonymous while releasing your work to the world.

Despite the calling to have our work be seen, we ourselves, at times — want to disappear.

There are days we wish we could erase our names from our words, let them drift through the world like wind — untouched, untraceable. Not mine, not yours, just something that exists.

So much of being a writer is this strange ache — wanting your voice to be heard, but not your face, not your history, not the human noise that follows it. Anonymity feels holy, like the purest form of offering. To write without a name is to whisper directly into the collective heart, free from all the scaffolding of identity.

You and I long ago,

meetings beyond bodies unfold.

Forms tangled in this world,

but I know your soul.

Not your face,

but your voice.

Not your chest,

But your heart.

Beating the same.

In a union we once,

Electrified the void.

Yet the world keeps tugging at our sleeves, asking for proof of existence. “Who writes this?” it insists. “Who are you?” And suddenly, the sacred act of creation becomes a performance — a marketing plan, a profile picture, an algorithmic plea for notice.

Visibility is survival — every creative knows this. The unseen work fades into silence, no matter how luminous the language. But each time we step into the light, we feel the delicate skin of the work stretch uncomfortably, as if the sun is too much.

Maybe the longing isn’t for invisibility or attention, but for balance — to be a ghost who still leaves fingerprints. To walk unseen but not forgotten. To write in a voice that travels farther than a face ever could.

Thus, we continue to write,

part-shadow, part-flame —

hoping what truly matters

can be perceived —

long after our souls assume

a new form —

possibly in new realms,

with fresh possibilities.

From the Paladins

Despite all the struggles and small moments of torment, we love our journey — thankful always for our strong sense of Faith in the unknown, or the invisible hands that guides us through.

Strange how much we do have in common. To travel like gypsies, setting up a tent to sell our books, arts, and crafts to people directly. To maintain the physical connection in this busy on-line world of Tik Tok, Facebook, Amazon, Instagram, and Shopify.

Now this dream is getting closer and closer. To meet, connect, and share our stories. To maintain physical presence despite our desire to disappear into the woods somewhere, living off grid away from all the noise and hustle. It is this balance — this love for both worlds that keeps us passionately creating our work.

Again, thank you to those who are supporting our work and following our journey. It truly means a lot to us. And as we grow, we know too our community connection will strengthen.

See you next time and have a blessed day!!!

Yours Truly,

The Paladins